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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #345 on: February 24, 2008, 09:42:50 PM » |
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My wife is going through menopause. What can I do? A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #346 on: February 24, 2008, 09:43:31 PM » |
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Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
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The Kit Cars Forum
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« Reply #346 on: February 24, 2008, 09:43:31 PM » |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #347 on: February 24, 2008, 09:48:03 PM » |
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You know you’re a Master Kit Car Builder when:
You rejoice in hot sun while at an outdoor car show...even after 10 straight days of it.
You have pride in how bad your hands look.
A little grease print on a sandwich doesn’t bother you.
You have a decorative auto part emblem on your kitchen counter.
You can give away Fiero Parts easily, but Ferrari Parts, well that is another thing.
Fiberglass drying test results actually mean something.
Your wife knows what JB Weld is and picks up some for you as a birthday present.
Italian and British Cars rule!
You’d rather go to a salvage yard to shop than a clothes store.
You don’t mind the taste of day old coffee, you actually like it.
You look for old car parts stores open to the public whenever you go on vacation.
Your non-exotic car spouse is actually getting involved with your building endeavors...digging out parts, building parts bins, bringing you water on hot days, turning parts piles and sorting through them with you, encouraging you to finish the project so she can go for a ride with you, having dinner with you in the garage...
And you definitely know you’re a Master Kit Car Builder when...
You are surrounded by terrific people who share your passion on the Kit Car Forum!
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #348 on: February 24, 2008, 09:48:49 PM » |
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A blonde and her husband working on their kit car at 2 AM listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out from under the car and says "I've had enough of this," and she goes outside.
The blonde finally comes back to the garage and her husband says "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?"
The blonde says "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how THEY like it
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #349 on: March 04, 2008, 08:32:31 PM » |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #350 on: March 06, 2008, 04:07:55 PM » |
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NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND....
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district.Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday bec ause he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. ("growing part" no further comment)
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the back end squirts.
12. Please excuse tommy for being ab sent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shoppin g because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. G lo ria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Mary ann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fev e r. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #351 on: March 10, 2008, 09:00:34 AM » |
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The preacher's son
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem to concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away to school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
A Bible
A silver dollar
A bottle of whisky
And a Playboy magazine.
"I"ll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself.
"When he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle. he's going to be a no-good
drunkard, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing bum.
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."
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jntramey
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« Reply #352 on: March 14, 2008, 08:07:03 PM » |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #353 on: March 18, 2008, 11:02:24 AM » |
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Perks of being 60 something
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, Did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 PM .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
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ferrariedd
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« Reply #354 on: March 19, 2008, 03:31:28 PM » |
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teacher asks the class if any one knows what a penus is,little johny says i do miss,my dads got 2,teacher looks puzzled,explain she says ,johny says ,he has a small one he wees out of,and a big one he cleans the baby sitters teeth with
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« Last Edit: March 19, 2008, 03:34:03 PM by ferrariedd »
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disilva
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« Reply #355 on: March 24, 2008, 01:35:43 PM » |
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SKExotics
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« Reply #356 on: March 24, 2008, 02:20:52 PM » |
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« Last Edit: March 24, 2008, 03:08:41 PM by FunnyWheels »
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Bobi1
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« Reply #357 on: April 02, 2008, 10:01:02 PM » |
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Bulgarian Edna beerra, molya! Една бира, моля! |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #358 on: May 08, 2008, 03:33:57 PM » |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #359 on: June 07, 2008, 08:32:24 AM » |
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Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you t o run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
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The Kit Cars Forum
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